Dear Sis.

You owe no man anything.

Stop telling men, who never had the decency to commit or communicate, that you will love them forever and care for them forever. All you’re doing is opening a revolving door for access. You owe no man anything. When a relationship is not for you…starve it. Starve it of access, affection, and attention. 

Many of us talk about how men just can’t leave us alone and we really take pride in the fact they keep coming back. We take joy in it as if it validates who we are as women. IT DOESN’T. Don’t be deceived. You cannot be validated by someone’s disrespect of your boundaries. 

He keeps coming back because he’s arrogant and territorial. He keeps coming back because he knows there is something to be gained from you. He keeps coming back because he’s disrespectful and unable to see your worth…still. He keeps coming back because you allow him. Men can smell availability. 

Whoever taught us that we need to hear these men out after they’ve taken us through the ringer in a dating relationship lied. That idea that in dating you have to fight for mediocrity??  Yeah…no. You don’t. Some have said, we have to be forgiving, which we do BUT we have never been called to accept mediocrity and sub-par attempts of pursuit for hearts they don’t even value. How long will we reconcile with men who do not care about us, have not shown concern about us, nor have the capacity for us in the first place? We hide behind reconciliation when no fruits of repentance have been shown. You owe no man anything. 

You owe God your devotion but we’ve spent so much time being devoted to relationships He never intended for us that we can’t give Him His due. 

That man doesn’t miss you. He’s leaving an emotional soft spot to return to later by treating your heart like a revolving door of the Motel 6 because you keep leaving the light on for him. God bless those that this has worked for …but Lord give us grace for the moments we feel obligated to entertain foolishness for the sake of reconciliation. Forgive us for believing the lie that is rejection. Rejection that would blind us from the truth that we are accepted wholly and fully by You. 

We have to stop the narrative that convinces women they are less likely to be found by a good man if they don’t lower their standards for a trifling one. 

Some of us DO have unrealistic expectations…BUT you never owe a man anything. Everything you give him is bonus and a choice. Choose well. Choose excellence. Refuse mediocre “good for social media” relationships that have you in a constant emotional purgatory. Relationships that leave you waiting just waiting to experience either goodness or heartbreak so much so that you refuse love altogether for fear that it will be the same cycle of turmoil. 

Block him. Shut the door. Turn off the access.

Be free. Be wise. Be whole.